Lessons I've learned in the last 2 months

As a background, something pretty awful (which I won't go into detail about here) happened about two months ago.  Instead of dealing with it, I pushed it down and went about my life.  Seemed like a good idea at the time, but like most "good ideas" regarding not dealing with things, it backfired on me.

 

I didn't realize that, as strong as I perceive myself to be, I can break.  I broke...shattered would probably be a more appropriate term.  My reaction was to blame others around me for any feelings I was going through and not look at the actual problem bothering me.  Terrible thing to do, I know...which leads me to lesson 1.  Don't make your problems someone else's.

 

I had always assumed that keeping a stiff upper lip was the way to go.  Granted, in certain situations, yeah, keep it together.  But, when others ask what's wrong and you deny the issue, it helps no one, least of all yourself....which leads me to lesson 2).  Be honest with yourself and others.

 

Lashing out became second nature.  I've always been a little bit of a cynic, but was never really an angry person.  Lashing out at others over small mistakes or misunderstandings in order to deny what was going on was not the way to handle things, but in my screwed up head, it provided a band-aid to not deal with the issue a bit longer....which leads me to lesson 3 and 4.  A band-aid cannot fix a broken arm and, lashing out at others is a fantastic way to alienate yourself from others.

 

Once I started realizing what was going on, I reached out to a couple people who I knew would be understanding and kind (even though I'd been a bit of a bitch).  They know who they are and I'll be forever grateful. Realizing that I  wasn't alone (which is so cliche to say, but very true) was a God-send...which leads me to lesson 5.  While opening up to others has always been difficult for me, learning to do so has both brought me closer to those I love and taught me the value of communication...healthy communication.

 

Granted, I'm certainly no expert at healthy communication and probably should have learned it years ago, but, perhaps it took something traumatic to jolt me into action.  I suppose, in that way, I can take something positive away from the experience....which leads me to the last lesson.  Healthy communication with others is the only way to be able to start healing.

 

Realizing all of this has made me realize that, in the last few months, though I was Kiersten from Hell, I've learned a lot about myself and my own personal boundaries.

 

Ok, that's all for this out-pour of mushiness.

Here's a picture :)